Juuust sit right back and you’ll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful OHGAWD NO! CRUNCH! CHOMP! CHOMP! CHOMP! BANG! Bark bark! BOOM! Aieee! SPLATTER!
I’m kidding, mostly. There was a plot and stuff, but…spoilers.
So place your bets as you’re introduced to a titillating cast that you know a certain percentage will be eaten. Will it be the bitter, alcoholic hero? The tubby bearded nerd? The insanely rich jerk? The token black guy who’s sticking close to the punky computer hacker girl with an attitude? The brilliant yet slightly cold scientist whose daughter is trying too hard to follow in his footsteps for his approval? Or the scrappy kid with a heart of gold?
I won’t tell you. But dollars to doughnuts you’re probably right.
Was it groundbreaking? No.
Did I expect it to be? Not really.
The movie was pretty much the same paint-by-number, must-keep-everyone-happy-action flick we’ve come to expect out of Hollywood. In this day and age if they find a system that works they will beat it to a pulp-like consistency and then do the exact opposite thing to make the art form new again. For movies about sharks (…fine, megalodons), I’m perfectly okay with that. I mean, what else would you expect our hero to do the Meg apart from punching, stabbing, skewering, shooting and exploding that oversized behemoth…have sex with it?
I will give this movie credit: the set design for the Mana lab was beautifully reminiscent of a Star Trek Federation starship vessel circa 1990’s, the cast was well chosen, and the music was able to fill in the emotional gaps that the camera was unable to fill. It’s also worth noting that, in its defense, these aren’t the kinds of movies I tend to go to the theater to see as I’m the type who roots for the monster.
Next movie we’re hopefully going to catch will be "The Happytime Murders", something I’m quite excited about. In case my Facebook profile pic isn’t being used for this review I should warn you: I AM A PUPPET NERD.
And who knows? Maybe next time I can get Race to blog a bit too or OH MY GOD WE SHOULD BRING PUPPETS TO THE THEATRE!
I have to go; I have about a week to try and convince him this is a good idea.